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[Dec. 18th, 2007|12:01 am] |
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I'd rather die than watch this movie ever again.
I'd rather jack off with a handful of grandma's toenails than watch this horrid piece of fucking shit again. I'd rather get fucked from behind by Rosie O'Donnell while she punches me in the back of the head, or be buried in a Port-A-Potty at Ozzfest than ever ever see this film EVER again. I'd rather castrate myself with a lemon zester, or jam a live wire right into my pisshole than ever know this film, or the Chipmunks in general, existed at all.
Goddamn fucking chipmunks!!!! Arrrrrrrrrghhhhh!!!! Who the fuck gets the idea to make a movie out characters based on creatures you see crawling through dumpsters and won't leave you the fuck alone at picnics? Awwwwwwww, so cute!!!! Look, honey, it's so cute when it's eating things that would kill us with septic poisoning! But that's not even the tip of the iceberg........
"Sup, playa?"
Wow. As if hip hop hasn't been watered down, neutered and exploited enough by the big wigs in the entertainment biz, it's now time to take it down the dreaded Chipmunk Avenue, as they take another horrible stab at street cred that in real life would result in them being on the business end of a rotisserie. Tupac and Biggie get shot down and the Chipmunks are allowed to live? Can't someone please, please, gun down the Chipmunks? Or can't we send them sinking into the Hudson Bay with concrete shoes like the good old days? It wouldn't be half as torturous as the half hour I spent watching this movie. Moments that made me feel like my IQ was dropping at about 5 points a minute, almost rendering me so retarded I went and gave up college to become a manager at a local Family Dollar.
Good goddamn, I fucking HATE the Chipmunks. Imagine me with a huge boner as I strangle the one with the glasses, or I just walk up behind him and crack his neck, with a huge smile on my face. You know you want to too. If you don't, you haven't seen this film. I'll happily snap my own neck if it means I never have to see anything to do with the Chipmunks.
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