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A fart between the shadows
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2008|03:44 am] |
-I have the kind of farts that could end all religions.
-Why do old people keep their pants and shorts higher and higher towards their nipples the older they get? This shit deeply disturbs me, and I saw it today when an old guy who looked like a homeless guy who sleeps in book stores all day, had his shit so high up I swear I saw vines of grey pubic hair drop out. And I swear, I thought this man had Down Syndrome, until I noticed his knee high Japanese schoolgirl socks, neck sloping forwards, mouth half open, and shoulders so low, you'd you'd think his torso was about to collapse like Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom. People actually stick around to live and look like that.
-I got a bone to pick with pussy.
-I think Amy Winehouse has the worst farts on the planet. And the smelliest pussy.
-Sometimes I feel like the world is a huge pop up coloring book and somebody shitted inside of it in the factory for all to see, then tossed on the shelf for all to see.
-Anytime someone asks me what time it is I always say "Hammer Time!" with the little dance to go with it.
-We've all heard about rabid cats and dogs around the city, but what about rabid turtles? Those are the ones I truly fear.
-What the fuck is with those sunglasses Kanye West wears? It takes a very very lonely man to even think that somehow looking through your blinds at passing pedestrains makes you look cooler, and then apply that to glasses. Don't people usually call the cops on people like that?
-Does every country and tribe in the world have an official dictionary?
--Too many people have more vocabulary than things to actually say.
-Here's a parable of mine: there was a tall fire, and a man bent down to grab a coin, and farted, setting 10 people on the other side of the flame on fire. I don't know the purpose or moral of this story, but I'm sure it's something pretty sweet.
-If you think your life is bad, remember there is someone who has to wake up with Rosie O'Donnel sitting on their face. Then has to make her breakfast. And eat it with her.
-Your grandpa or grandma can probably still outdrink you.
-I figure I will finally do my part to solve global warming........... I will stop bathing or consuming liquids of any kind to conserve water. To save the millions of trees, I will stop wiping my ass after I commence "Operation Dumbo Drop". And I will bring a huge cardboard box so that anytime I fart, I drop the box, the methane gases will be contained. Even if there is someone in the box with me.
-It's odd how yuppies are trying to push themselves as organic, hip, anorexic yuppy drunks when the real drunks are sleeping inside their fouriers.
-I'm waiting up for the final DVD version of "The Lion King", where Killdozer, or whatever the Lion King's name was, just up and fucking jumps from that cliff and eats all those animals that were praising him when he was born.
-A dead end business: Chapstick in Brazil.
-One day I'm going to market a cereal made of just hardened flakes of sugar.
-Everyone's bitching about the economy and people being laid off. But do you notice there are A LOT more liquor stores and bars around?
-You know what's fun? Driving 140 MPH's down a nice busy stretch of town, and me and a bunch of friends guess how many were speedbumps and which were people. Awwwwwwwwwww good times!
"Dude, no way that was a person!"
*backs up*
"Hear that crunch........?"
-If you haven't smoked up and watched B-52's videos, you my friend, are a virgin in life.
-When I need cheering up, I just imagine Eddie Van Halen is playing with my imaginary pussy.
-And, one my girlfriend told me:
Girl: "Mommy, mommy, I'm gonna be a ballerina when I grow up!"
Mom: "That's nice, bitch, now climb up those steps and get back in your wheelchair".
-I love it when my girl talks dark and brutal!!!! It's like Ong Bok in my boxers right now.
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| Not trying to be political here.......... |
[Apr. 8th, 2008|07:19 am] |
But is it me, or have none of the presidential candidates who use 9-11 so fucking much won't mention how hard the government has fucked those who cleaned up the whole mess, suffered potentially fatal health problems, and how they intend to solve it? It's a fucking sad day and age when our heroes are in dry-cleaned suits, talking on CNN, and giving speeches, and not out there saving lives and putting their asses on the line for us, while they claim to answer calls from their corporate sponsors at 3AM.
Politics is the most useless shit on earth, and every last one has failed. Real societies are made by true balance and tolerance, and most of all by heroes.
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| Everyone knows this kind of person |
[Mar. 8th, 2008|07:04 am] |
I honestly can't stand it when someone labels themselves a liberal or conservative.
Then again, I can't stand people who talk politics over and over again, period. Or spend 90% of their time and wardrobe on it.
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| Suck My Caucus!!!!! |
[Feb. 4th, 2008|11:10 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | aldermen, barack obama, beating off, chicago, god, hillary clinton, hyde park, not voting, obama, politics, religion | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Power Quest-"Wings Of Forever" | ] |
Fuck it, I'm not voting. I'm gonna stay inside on Election Day and beat my meat.
( Read more... )
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